So where was I?
Ah that's right. We were just about to get ourselves ready for Up Helly A. In the town square the Jarl and his squad he erected a large A-frame sandwich board whis had a load of drivel written on it. I tried understand what it was going on about but failed however I did come to the realisation that the names of all the different squads were mentioned throughout the tedious essay.
After leaving that KP and I wandered over to where the Jarl Squad were showing off the galley that they've spent the last year building. I was reasonably impressive but when you consider that they live on Shetland where there is absolutely nothing to do then you have to wonder why, in that time, they hadn't put together something more akin to a working naval battleship or luxury cruise liner. I guess a 20ft wooden viking long boat on wheels was all that was required and as far as those are concerned they'd done a great job.
Then we drank coffee.
Later back at the flat we wrapped up warmly and went out to meet up with some of Matt's Kiwi friends who amusingly pronounce Shetland as "Shitland" - I laughed alot. We had a great view of the 900 or so marching torch bearers as they meandered down the main street pushing the galley. It was then deposited in the middle of the park before finally all 900 flaming torches were chucked onto it setting a whole years worth of work ablaze.
There was a brief firework display and then we all went home and got changed into out threads before going to the TA Hall for the rest of the nights activities. As I mentioned those basically took the form of....
1. Have a drink
2. Do a country dance e.g Strip the Willow
3. A squad comes in a does a skit (or sketch)
4. Go back to 1 and repeat.
We lasted for quite a while although Matt and KP had more in the tanks than I did and by 4am was really concious of the fact that I was going to be flying in a few hours so needed some sleep. Also some girl from Livingston started talking to me for hours and I couldn't get away from her. "Why don't you want to dance?" "My Mum is a psych nurse," "I work in the local bank" "A&E doctors don't know anything about psychiatry!"
Well up yours biatch - I wouldn't come and as you to re-tile my bathroom would I?
Anyway, by 5am I really turned up the moans and eventually the guys agreed to leave. It's a bit of a shame as it had a real Daft Friday feel to it (Google that if you don't know what it is) and by the time we left people were beginning to talk about going to the pub. It would have been a bit of a laugh to go along but I was totally spent.
I got to bed at 7am and then was up at 9:30am packing for the flight. Naomi (one of the Kiwis) somehow had remained sober and was still up (somewhere in Lerwick) and after a hasty phone call from Matt agreed to give us a lift to the airport. It was a bit of a relief to get there on time and after brief and quite poiniant good-byes I was on the plane.
So what did I think of Shetland? Well for all my moaning I had a bloody good time but had KP and Matt not been there then I don't really think that it's a place I would venture to too often. That said, it was awesome to see the guys and Up Helly A was great. The croft we stayed in for the first few nights was also pretty damned good fun but I can see why those two are happy to leave the island for the bright lights of Inverness in a weeks time.
Good luck to them and thanks for having me - Inverness next?
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Shetland - Part 2
After a short and very light sleep (for fear of someone coming into the on-call room to find me ZZZing out in their bed Goldie-locks style) I packed the evidence of my stay and wandered into KP and Matt "quarters". As usual it reeked of curry as their flat mate has eaten nothing but Sommerfields Chicken Tikka Marsala for the last 2 months. According to the guys he has had one other thing on the menu in that time and KP prooved this by showing me a jar of Chicken Tikka Marsala sandwich spread! Mind you there was no bread that belonged to him so I must assume that he just eats it straight from the jar when he can't be arsed heating one of his TV dinners. I say TV dinners although he never comes out his room and has certainly never been observed watching TV.
ANYWAY, after Matt had left for work KP and I jumped in the car and went down to the Shetland Museum. It is a relatively new affair having only opened 6 months ago and surprisingly looks brand new despite catering to over 70,000 visitors since it's unveiling in June. It does an incredible job of outlining the history of the Island from days of the Picts through the various ages and owners up to the present day. The authenticity of the artifacts on display is apparent and the museum staff appear to have vast amounts of knowledge on the subject which they are only too happy to share with us punters.
It didn't take long to look round as we skim read everything and mostly talked about "how hardy the locals must be" and how glad we were that we didn't live here permanently. After that we stopped in one of the scarce Lerwick cafes and had lunch consisting of soup and sandwiches - simple but filling. We talked for ages then decided to drop the car back at the flat and walk to one of the local watering holes so I could se how it's done on the Island.
Flints was a dive, but the remaining sun shone weakly through the smokey windows providing the days only natural light so we took a corner window booth to bask in its feeble glow. We had a pint of Strongbow of all things, and talked into the darkening afternoon in this, what can only be described as, "Old Man's Pub". The time went by rapidly and we decided to head home.
It was overcast and spitting as we got back to the flat just in time to meet Matt. After plesantries and liquid refreshments we did a Fish and Chip run to the Happy Haddock which provided us with better than average chow. Not up to Australian standards but kicked the arse out of anything in Glasgow or remotely Central Belt-ish.
A night in front of the box saw us watching the very mediocre "SNL - Best of Dana Carvey" and then some Little Britain which was as always hillarious. Other hilarity came in the unlikey form of a book reading whereby I'd found a book in the bathroom called "Delete this at your Peril" and read, out loud, a chapter to Matt and KP. It was about a man trying to get talking lions sent to him as his reply to an email scam and various other comic anecdotes. A real laugh out loud book!
A restless night with strange noises from the bathroom followed by a late start from me and KP. The Up Helly A' preparations finally went on show today in town and we went down to get a program and see the initial build up to tonights partying.
It's all very secretive, in a Free Mason sort of way, but as far as I can tell this Viking Fire Festival consists of...
1. A main group (the Jarl Squad) of men (about 50) who have been preparing their viking costumes, firey torches, a wooden galley, skits (or sketches) and the 12 "Halls" for the last year.
2. Several other smaller groups or squads prepar their own costumes and skits but have nothing to do with the galley or arranging the halls (but their wives help at the halls).
3. The galley went on display this morning and tonight the street lights all go out and the fire dudes parade down the street in their costumes in front of the gathered townsfolk before chucking all the torches onto the galley and watching it burn whilst singing "The Galley Song".
4. The Halls open and are run by the wives/partners of the Jarl Squad and the other squads.
5. People go to the Hall that they have been invited to where drinking and eating abounds. We've scored tickets to the TA Hall which is run by the Head Jarl's wife so is the most sought after of the Halls. Don't know how Matt blagged these. Whenever we mention it to any of the local they look at us like we've just eaten their child. We don't mention it any more.
6. The squads go from Hall to Hall doing their skits and getting everyone up to dance and sing and drink.
7. This carries on until 8 AM and then the pubs open.
8. Zain misses his flight.
Anyway, hopefully number 8 won't happen but I'll fill you in on the rest of Up Helly A soon and hopefully there'll be some good pictures up soon.
ANYWAY, after Matt had left for work KP and I jumped in the car and went down to the Shetland Museum. It is a relatively new affair having only opened 6 months ago and surprisingly looks brand new despite catering to over 70,000 visitors since it's unveiling in June. It does an incredible job of outlining the history of the Island from days of the Picts through the various ages and owners up to the present day. The authenticity of the artifacts on display is apparent and the museum staff appear to have vast amounts of knowledge on the subject which they are only too happy to share with us punters. 
It didn't take long to look round as we skim read everything and mostly talked about "how hardy the locals must be" and how glad we were that we didn't live here permanently. After that we stopped in one of the scarce Lerwick cafes and had lunch consisting of soup and sandwiches - simple but filling. We talked for ages then decided to drop the car back at the flat and walk to one of the local watering holes so I could se how it's done on the Island. 
Flints was a dive, but the remaining sun shone weakly through the smokey windows providing the days only natural light so we took a corner window booth to bask in its feeble glow. We had a pint of Strongbow of all things, and talked into the darkening afternoon in this, what can only be described as, "Old Man's Pub". The time went by rapidly and we decided to head home. It was overcast and spitting as we got back to the flat just in time to meet Matt. After plesantries and liquid refreshments we did a Fish and Chip run to the Happy Haddock which provided us with better than average chow. Not up to Australian standards but kicked the arse out of anything in Glasgow or remotely Central Belt-ish.
A night in front of the box saw us watching the very mediocre "SNL - Best of Dana Carvey" and then some Little Britain which was as always hillarious. Other hilarity came in the unlikey form of a book reading whereby I'd found a book in the bathroom called "Delete this at your Peril" and read, out loud, a chapter to Matt and KP. It was about a man trying to get talking lions sent to him as his reply to an email scam and various other comic anecdotes. A real laugh out loud book! 
A restless night with strange noises from the bathroom followed by a late start from me and KP. The Up Helly A' preparations finally went on show today in town and we went down to get a program and see the initial build up to tonights partying. It's all very secretive, in a Free Mason sort of way, but as far as I can tell this Viking Fire Festival consists of...
1. A main group (the Jarl Squad) of men (about 50) who have been preparing their viking costumes, firey torches, a wooden galley, skits (or sketches) and the 12 "Halls" for the last year.
2. Several other smaller groups or squads prepar their own costumes and skits but have nothing to do with the galley or arranging the halls (but their wives help at the halls).
3. The galley went on display this morning and tonight the street lights all go out and the fire dudes parade down the street in their costumes in front of the gathered townsfolk before chucking all the torches onto the galley and watching it burn whilst singing "The Galley Song". 4. The Halls open and are run by the wives/partners of the Jarl Squad and the other squads.
5. People go to the Hall that they have been invited to where drinking and eating abounds. We've scored tickets to the TA Hall which is run by the Head Jarl's wife so is the most sought after of the Halls. Don't know how Matt blagged these. Whenever we mention it to any of the local they look at us like we've just eaten their child. We don't mention it any more.
6. The squads go from Hall to Hall doing their skits and getting everyone up to dance and sing and drink.
7. This carries on until 8 AM and then the pubs open.
8. Zain misses his flight.
Anyway, hopefully number 8 won't happen but I'll fill you in on the rest of Up Helly A soon and hopefully there'll be some good pictures up soon.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Shetland Part 1
So with a hasily crammed back pack and a stomach-churning but smile inducing flight North, I found myself in Lerwick. Matt and KP have been living here for the last 6 months and had invited me to Up Helly Ah - the Viking Fire Festival.
We had a few days to spend prior to the festival and they had hired a quaint cottage in the far north of the island. It was already dark at 4pm when we drove up there and the wind battered against the side of Matt's Polo. Despite the car heater the chill of the Shetland Wilds made me shudder but upon arrival to the cottage we found the peat fire warming the house nicely. The owner had also switched on the bedroom radiators in preparation for our arrival.
Within minutes Matt had a joint of Shetland lamb in the oven and after a few glasses of the red stuff we were chowing down on the most incredible meat. Cooked to perfection and accompanied with KPs roasted veg and famous mash - indicative of her growing cookery repetoire - the meal didn't last long. Back onto the red and then some beautiful drams that went down too quickly saw the night ending in a drunken wrestling match and a very very painful knee. With a few jumping out of cupboards to scare the crap out of each other thrown in for good measure we called it a night and slept soundly in the toasty rooms.
The mext morning started with a walk round the headlands at Isbister which saw us bending into the most wonderful headwind that constantly challenged our balance. Undoing and inverting our jackets behind our heads we laughed in the face of its vain attempts to knock us over. Reaching the top of the hill we were climbing we had an awesome view of the island of Yell and 360 vistas of the rest of the mainland. After many many many photos ("That's enough Matt!") we made our way back down the boggy moor land to the car and took off for Nibon.
At Nibon we took a short walk round the heavily pebbled beach to find a good viewpoint to watch the power and fury of the North Sea waves. They pummelled the rock faces and cliff walls with an unbridled wrath that only the oceans can muster. The spray rose up onto the main land misting over our faces and filling our nostrils with its rich saltiness.
Once we were properly soaked from the demonstration of the water's savagery and had no memory left in the cameras we dragged outselves away from the delightful vision of Shetlands ferociousness and started the journey back to the car. Some slippy rocks, trecherous grassy clifftops and an event with the Stone of Destiny later we were on the road back to the cottage, affectionately called Midfield.
Matt's world renowned lasagne was on the menu and it lived up to its reputation. Washed down with a bit more red and a wondrous helping of apple crumble and Bill Bailey saw in the night.
With a late start the next day and a rather large amount of tidying up we left the lovely little house and cruised along the winding roads to Eshaness where we partook in a failed walk around some more headlands. There was less wind but horrific rain and more that its fair share of bogs which put to the test my new (and not as waterproof as they should be) hiking boots.
We then stopped in at the St Magnus Hotel which is the largest wooden building on the island and comprised of planks shipped entirely from Norway. We had reservations at the "all you can eat" carvery. I tucked into a plate overflowing with lamb, ham and an assortment of vegetables swimming in gravy. Immensely filling.
Night (or should I say darkness) closed in fast and early reinforcing the shortness of the daytime here and not long after that we were back in their hospital accommodation. I was secreted into the on-call room where I'll be living/hiding out for the next 3 days.
More to follow.
We had a few days to spend prior to the festival and they had hired a quaint cottage in the far north of the island. It was already dark at 4pm when we drove up there and the wind battered against the side of Matt's Polo. Despite the car heater the chill of the Shetland Wilds made me shudder but upon arrival to the cottage we found the peat fire warming the house nicely. The owner had also switched on the bedroom radiators in preparation for our arrival.
Within minutes Matt had a joint of Shetland lamb in the oven and after a few glasses of the red stuff we were chowing down on the most incredible meat. Cooked to perfection and accompanied with KPs roasted veg and famous mash - indicative of her growing cookery repetoire - the meal didn't last long. Back onto the red and then some beautiful drams that went down too quickly saw the night ending in a drunken wrestling match and a very very painful knee. With a few jumping out of cupboards to scare the crap out of each other thrown in for good measure we called it a night and slept soundly in the toasty rooms. 
The mext morning started with a walk round the headlands at Isbister which saw us bending into the most wonderful headwind that constantly challenged our balance. Undoing and inverting our jackets behind our heads we laughed in the face of its vain attempts to knock us over. Reaching the top of the hill we were climbing we had an awesome view of the island of Yell and 360 vistas of the rest of the mainland. After many many many photos ("That's enough Matt!") we made our way back down the boggy moor land to the car and took off for Nibon.
At Nibon we took a short walk round the heavily pebbled beach to find a good viewpoint to watch the power and fury of the North Sea waves. They pummelled the rock faces and cliff walls with an unbridled wrath that only the oceans can muster. The spray rose up onto the main land misting over our faces and filling our nostrils with its rich saltiness. Once we were properly soaked from the demonstration of the water's savagery and had no memory left in the cameras we dragged outselves away from the delightful vision of Shetlands ferociousness and started the journey back to the car. Some slippy rocks, trecherous grassy clifftops and an event with the Stone of Destiny later we were on the road back to the cottage, affectionately called Midfield.
Matt's world renowned lasagne was on the menu and it lived up to its reputation. Washed down with a bit more red and a wondrous helping of apple crumble and Bill Bailey saw in the night.
With a late start the next day and a rather large amount of tidying up we left the lovely little house and cruised along the winding roads to Eshaness where we partook in a failed walk around some more headlands. There was less wind but horrific rain and more that its fair share of bogs which put to the test my new (and not as waterproof as they should be) hiking boots. We then stopped in at the St Magnus Hotel which is the largest wooden building on the island and comprised of planks shipped entirely from Norway. We had reservations at the "all you can eat" carvery. I tucked into a plate overflowing with lamb, ham and an assortment of vegetables swimming in gravy. Immensely filling.
Night (or should I say darkness) closed in fast and early reinforcing the shortness of the daytime here and not long after that we were back in their hospital accommodation. I was secreted into the on-call room where I'll be living/hiding out for the next 3 days.
More to follow.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Ride the Lightning
Isla is still journeying round the back of beyond and it's been a good few days since I've seen hide or hair of her on the blog. Once must assume that there are factors preventing communication i.e. the jungle drums have broken down in the Cambodian sticks. On the dark side of the planet things are unchanged - the weather is appauling (can't you hear that howling 60mph madness in the back ground? Press your ear to the screen and I bet you can!). Also the parental units are as best a struggle - actually they aren't that bad but I need my own space and being amidst the house selling rigmarole that's going on is not pleasant. What do they say? Next most stressful thing after bereavement.
On that note (the stress part and hopefully not the bereavement part) I am going to be braving the veritable arctic-monsoon combo weather conditions in a turbo-prop plane as I fly to Shetland today. Unsurprisingly, the rescue to my boredom and insanity has come in form of Matt and KP who are temporarily offering me a safehouse, both from the elements and the parentals, in Lerwick for a few days.
Up Helly Ah begins this week which, for those of you not familiar with the Highlando-Nordic tongue of the locals, refers to the Annual Viking Fire Festival (although I've not yet discovered the literal meaning). Photos will abound provided the plane doesn't do a Oceanic Flight 813. Mind you spending a few months on a desert island might be quite fun as I've packed my pen knife and a torch. All I need now is something more substantial to fight of the "Others" with.
So, KP and Matt, I can't wait. 6 hours and counting.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Sociopathy
I don't think that this word actually exists but I like to think that the definition would be something along the lines of...
"Ths study of the causative factor in sociopathic behaviour"
So what does turn someone into a knife weilding, stealing-candy-from-a-baby, pet-kicking nutter? Well I can tell you the answer to that as I have spent the last couple of weeks deep in study of the above new area of Psychiatry. The answer is... Living with my parents!
I'm at my wits end. It's like being back at school except there's no pocket money and no first gropes to look forward to.
To the people renting my flat in Glasgow - PLEASE vacate the premesis urgently so that I can have my sanily back!!!
"Ths study of the causative factor in sociopathic behaviour"
So what does turn someone into a knife weilding, stealing-candy-from-a-baby, pet-kicking nutter? Well I can tell you the answer to that as I have spent the last couple of weeks deep in study of the above new area of Psychiatry. The answer is... Living with my parents!
I'm at my wits end. It's like being back at school except there's no pocket money and no first gropes to look forward to.
To the people renting my flat in Glasgow - PLEASE vacate the premesis urgently so that I can have my sanily back!!!
Monday, January 21, 2008
A New Beginning
Hello there my faithful readers. I'm sure by now that the only person that is fool enough to read this is me and perhaps the odd blog-surfer that distressingly stumbles upon this during a late night search through the ether that is the Net. To that person I appologise because you are not going to find anything on this but a load of my drivel and a hefty dose of uncontrolled ramblings about absolutely nothing.
So what's new? Well I'm back from Australia and the 365 is well and truely over from the website point of view. It has now had a couple of drafts written (I had to destroy the first one as is was utter crap) and should be ready for a publisher to set fire to it around March or April. Here's hoping.
In order to keep the motivation and momentum going I started this new rant-site so I could bore you all to tears with what I've been doing with my spare time and how totally committed I am to having a different life now that I've returned to the UK. It's all sport, travel and cabbage-eating from now on. You'll see... although it may take a while for this new wonderous journey of self fulfillment to get going as I've got no job and my flat is rented so I'm living with the folks - temporarily I hasten to add. I'm also skint and the Misses is travelling the world for 3 more months so in general things are not only direly boring but also incredibly miserable. So don't expect anything wonderful, inspiring or life-changing in the next few weeks.
It may take a bit longer!
Triathlon anyone?
Z.
So what's new? Well I'm back from Australia and the 365 is well and truely over from the website point of view. It has now had a couple of drafts written (I had to destroy the first one as is was utter crap) and should be ready for a publisher to set fire to it around March or April. Here's hoping.
In order to keep the motivation and momentum going I started this new rant-site so I could bore you all to tears with what I've been doing with my spare time and how totally committed I am to having a different life now that I've returned to the UK. It's all sport, travel and cabbage-eating from now on. You'll see... although it may take a while for this new wonderous journey of self fulfillment to get going as I've got no job and my flat is rented so I'm living with the folks - temporarily I hasten to add. I'm also skint and the Misses is travelling the world for 3 more months so in general things are not only direly boring but also incredibly miserable. So don't expect anything wonderful, inspiring or life-changing in the next few weeks.
It may take a bit longer!
Triathlon anyone?
Z.
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